Quick Short

Hi all, this is a quick short done just now. It's fairly self-expalanatory. Any comments and ideas are more than welcome.

On a side note, I'm still working hard on that writing competition and doing well, despite the dreaded university schedule.

Not another drunk piece!
Tim Harvey

I went to a party dressed as Hunter S Thompson. My word document freezes as I write this and I wonder, 'is this happening, did I write that?' You are the witness to a truly unique event. As I write this, I am totally intoxicated. My spelling may be bad, my grammar improper. You'll have to forgive me, but frankly, I am drunk. This is it. This is what is going on, right now!
I went to a party dressed as Hunter S Thompson. One person recognised my costume, and frankly, I only expected one person to get who I was supposed to be. One person commented that I looked like the director of pornographic films. I laughed at this, 'yes, I do look like a porn director.' Another girl suggested I looked like somebody from a completely unrelated film. I said, 'I can be whoever you think I am.'
I danced, as Dr Thompson. I acted like Johnny Depp from the film that made Hunter Thompson so famous to young audiences. But, one person commented, later in the evening, that I 'looked like a writer.' he turned to his friend and said; 'he looks like a writer.' My heart leapt at the idea of resembling a writer. I thought; 'am I a writer?' This bounced in my head for a while.
Presently, I am lying in bed, writing. Does this make me a writer? I am unsure. I write, sure, that is true enough. But as a writer? I am unsure. What does a writer look like, what does a writer feel like? I don't know. A smart man, named Dan O'Brien, once wrote; 'I am an idiot.' For some reason this article comes to mind. We are all idiots, I feel. We believe we have life sorted out and one day, everything we hold close, changes. One day we adopt a new set of ideas and rules that completely supersede our old idea of life.
As humans we all do this. This may be a by-product of the 21st century, social networking and all that. I don't know, I am unsure. There is a lack of confidence in my ability to determine what is accurate at the present moment. I hold strong ideas very close until I find something that seems, at the moment, more important. What does this mean? I am unsure.
I once wrote a story that started like this; 'I wake up on the edge of a river. The river is a sleek, smooth mirror. The water, like liquid metal reflects everything around me. I don't know how I got here or what is going on.' The story pretty much ended there. I was unsure of where to go. Once I thought of a story that went like this; 'You stand at a crossroads. Two roads split in front of you and you are unsure. You decide to sit and wait by the crossroads. Eventually someone comes along, they are beautiful and perfect. They instantly choose a road and you regret following them. But you are scared they chose the wrong road for you.'
What does this mean, I am unsure.
Being unsure is a pretty common problem in this narrative, isn't it?
Sometimes I am sure of certain things. There are things that I write that just feel right. I don't necessarily write from personal experience, but each word I put down, sometimes, feels like... It feels like how I feel. I can't explain emotion, I can't explain feelings, but some things just fit. They just feel... correct. I couldn't say if they feel correct because I have seen them, or because I have read them. I can't say, with any certainty, that anything I write is honest. I hope that it is open though, I hope that there is some way of looking at me through my writing. Like the mirrored river of that short, all writing is a reflection of myself.
I smiled when my friend commented that I looked like a writer. It was a comment on the costume, sure. But, it was a reflection of myself, and all that I hope to be.
I write not for fame, money or accolades. I write to feel, to explore feelings, to express myself. This project, right now, the one that you are reading, is a projection of me. This is a way for me to express. It is personal, and I know it is damned raw. There is little room for self-censorship when you are drunk. I apologise for any drunken actions. When I dance with someone, when I talk candidly, when I make crude jokes, I apologise. But I cannot apologise for the openness presented when I write.
A lot of writers get criticised for being intoxicated. Hunter S Thompson was one of these writers. William S Burroughs, Edgar Allan Poe, Philip K Dick, these writers were criticised for their ailments, their... insanities. They should never have to apologise for their expression, they should never have any shame attributed to their names for their writing. Jim Morrison and Ian Curtis were musicians that shared the same fate.
Whatever this means, whatever it means to be a writer, I am unsure. The pad and pen are methods of expression that should be only done for self fulfilment. Any writer looking for fame, any writer hoping for money is in the wrong line of work. It must, and I repeat, must, be done for the self, or for the love of others. Anthony Burgess wrote 'A Clockwork Orange' because he thought he was dying of a brain tumour. He wanted his wife to be able to live a happy life after his death. The man wrote a large number of books in a year. He wrote almost one novel a month, according to my recollection. He did this, not for fame, not for accolades. He did this in the hope that one of his novels would sell. Sure, it was for the money, but he feared death. His doctor told him he would die, so instead of falling into self-pity, he wrote. He wrote for his wife.
'A Clockwork Orange' is successful today because of Stanley Kubrick's film, but the novel was successful too. Anthony Burgess was writing for the love of his wife.
I don't know if I'll ever be in that position. But I hope that if I was diagnosed with a terminal illness, I would put everything aside, all shame, all self-pity and self-loathing, for the love of another. I can picture Burgess writing with an amazing fire and passion, I can picture him typing, not as if his life depended on it, but as if the lives of his loved ones depended on it.
Recap; I was told that I resembled a writer, tonight at a party. I am drunk. Whatever was written is a train of thought. This “metaphorical” train has left the station and I am... yeah, unsure of where it will end. All I know at the present moment is, that this train has left me with a sense of confidence. It has departed and instead of lonely and afraid I feel excited. I am writing, now. I am a writer and even if I never see fame, if I never see a dollar for my work I will feel fulfilled. This is my expression, this is my form of release and I, right now, realise that this is what I have. This is something that makes me happy, whether it is writing a drunken blog post at three in the morning or working on a project, I am at my most comfortable, (to quote R.E.M;) at my most beautiful, when I am free here at the computer, writing.
That was a good way to end this: read above. Drunken sentimentalism aside, I like to write... and you like to read, apparently, otherwise you wouldn't have read this.