New Romance

Just taking a quick break from my writing comp (which is going quite well). Needed something to mix it up a little.

Ok this is hardly romance, its actually fearly bleak and dark but it features my usual romantic leads; Jeff and Deb. A lot of emotion etc, I tried to convey some ideas of love and loss but plot wise its a hard nut to crack, trying to give this a happy ending.

So, hopefully you can enjoy this. Truthfully I didn't enjoy writing this as much as I thought I would when I set out to write another quick Jeff and Deb. It actually left me fairly depressed.


Jeff & Deb Meet Again
Tim Harvey

The front door to the flat stood open, the screen hung out in the elements and the heavy wooden door rested safe inside the flat. Deb looked at the wooden door, it was heavy and safe. If she closed it now, she could be all right. If she could just close this door she would be safe inside the flat. But she couldn't close the door, there was no way.
Outside the flat, standing next to the hanging screen door Jeff stood looking at the welcome mat. He didn't quite feel welcome. The air between the outside of the flat and the inside was vast, a vacuum of incredible silence that threatened to swallow any sound that tried to pass between it. Jeff could turn around and walk, just like he did years ago. But he couldn't walk, there was no way.
It had been three years since the two had seen each other. Three years since Jeff left, and three years since Deb lost the baby.
There was a horrible thickness to the air between them. Jeff wanted to open his mouth but couldn't even begin to comprehend how he could cut through this silence.
Deb's eyes slowly moved to Jeff, he had left because of her.
Jeff's eyes drifted upward to Deb, she hated him for leaving.
“Deb,” Jeff began but his voice cracked, had she even heard him say anything?
Deb stood as still as she could. She was frozen and undeniably certain that she would stay this way until he spoke. He tried to say something. She should speak now, but she couldn't.
“Deb,” Jeff looked down. He had a painful sense of deja-vu that came from nowhere.
“I'm so sorry.” The words drifted easily through the air, although they were the hardest things Jeff had ever had to say, not because he didn't mean it, but because it reminded him of what he did.
He felt a deep weight in his stomach, so heavy he needed to sit down. But he stood still, his thin frame swaying slightly in the crisp breeze.
Deb's eyes were red and her mind was rocked violently with waves of anger. Every second thought was to slam the door in his face, every second thought was about how much pain and suffering this man had caused her.
But, every other thought was about the impossible sense of safety he gave her. She knew he could never hurt her intentionally but she was terrified of what he could do to her accidentally, had done to her accidentally. He didn't know what he was doing when he left.
“I didn't know what I was doing when I left.”
She had spent three years trying to forget about him but it was impossible. Every day whenever she drifted away from her work, or the television, or a book, she found her thoughts were devoted to him. She held conversations with him in her mind, she wondered what he would say if she told him something secret. She imagined herself happily married and successful when he showed up and she would gloat about her incredible life, and she would hate herself. She wondered what he would do if she was in an accident and held conversations with him in the hospital. He always apologised, in her thoughts. He always made her feel safe. She could go days hating him, this led to her hating herself, which made her hate him even more. She would love him and then she would hate him, in her mind she screamed at him.
The moment he walked out that door, three years ago, Jeff felt sick. He was violently rocked from his sleep by physically painful bouts of guilt. He had trouble eating and sleeping. His dreams were peaceful until she appeared. She cried and pushed him away and he screamed. Jeff ate very little, he would begin to chew and drift away. She would drift into his thoughts and the food in his mouth began to rot. In his dreams he jumped off buildings and threw pills down his throat. He dreamt of brutally hacking at his limbs in front of her and he woke up to vomit into his bin, which was never far from his bed. She hated him and he hated himself. He loved her but he hated her too. He hated her for making him feel this way, and in selfish twangs of horror he found himself dreaming of their death.
She looked at the man standing in her doorway. He was gaunt and almost skeletal. She had hoped that he had suffered for his actions but instantly she felt a wave of fear for his well-being. He was sick and she could tell he was in pain. This man had changed her life. They shared everything, he let her talk openly and she never once felt judged. She never once felt that Jeff would laugh at her or accuse her. He was so open himself and she had the strangest desire to know everything he thought, every move he would make. She had an instinctual desire to protect him and hold him close when he didn't understand something. She wanted to guide him and teach him everything she knew, and if she didn't know the answers to his questions she wanted to hold his hand and the two of them would learn together. When she hugged him he was always stiff at first but he would loosen up and wrap his arms around her shoulders and pull her tightly towards him. She never felt comfortable with anyone like she did with him. In his arms was the safest place in the world, he knew how to care for her and protect her from the world.
Jeff looked through the doorway at Deb. She looked well, although she looked much older than when he had left. He still felt captivated by the sparkle in her eyes. She led him into this adult world by the hand and he wanted to go. He wanted to learn everything she knew. Whenever he stood dumbly hoping that she would reach out to him, there was an amazing feeling through his whole body when she did. Her delicate gentle hands wrapping around his own clunky nervous ones made him feel alive. He could never be articulate, he could never be close or initiate contact, but she would always know when he felt inadequate and reach out to touch him. Sometimes she kissed him, sometimes it was hug, but even the lightest brush of his hand coated him in a warmth and safety he could never find anywhere but with her.
Deb was tired of hatred and anger. She couldn't go on in pain and guilt and she needed someone to help her through. She needed warmth and compassion. She needed the passionate embrace of a man who would do anything to make her feel special and alive again. As frightened as she was for thinking it, she needed Jeff.
Jeff swayed slightly, the light breeze enough to move his thin frame. He was sick and tired of his guilt. She could never love him as she did but he needed her to know he was sorry. His mistake had cost him his life and even though she could never take him back he needed her to know that she was the most important person in his life. If she was in pain he wanted to be the one to make it go away.
Deb stepped closer to the doorway, eventually reaching the doorstep. She knew he couldn't do anything. He would never be able to throw his arms around her, she had to do that for him. But she was so tired, she felt weak and numb. If he can't do this for me, she thought, if he can't reach out and hold me, I can't do this. One time, I need him to reach out to me, just this one time.
Jeff stepped closer to the door. Deb had taken a few steps forward and he thought it best to do the same. He needed to hold her, he could see it in her eyes. She needed him to take her in his arms and hold her tightly. She needed this now more than ever, her body language told him that she was aching to be held.
Deb stood in the doorway and Jeff moved closer. He was frozen by fear. She couldn't possibly love him. He swayed harder, the air between the two was dribbling with the fear of rejection.

“I'm sorry,” the words were barely audible and Jeff turned and left.
“No,” Deb gasped equally inaudibly, but it was too late.


Enjoy the ending? No, me neither. I might have to create some new romantic leads, I feel like I've irreversibly ruined any hope for these two.