Romance Epilogue

Ok I felt pretty bad with how I "ended" Jeff and Deb's story, so here is an epilogue that might make you feel a little better.

As far as the writing goes, this story is the closest to a true "romance" that I have written. I really wanted to give that feel to the story after the depressing story I posted last night.

On a side note, I've never been so attached to two characters before that I've had to write an epilogue to give them a happy ending, go figure.


Epilogue: Jeff & Deb
Tim Harvey

The applause that the four-piece acoustic band received once they had finished their song was probably well deserved, although Deb wasn't really listening. She sat near the edge of the balcony of the beach-side resort. She took in a deep breath of fresh sea air and watched the sun's slow descent over the clear and calm waves. Deb felt a deep wave of relaxation and she would have leant back in the wooden deck chair if he evening gown would allow it. She looked down at the flowing black satin that clung to her body and gathered at her ankles, and she smiled.
It had been so long since she had felt like this.
Deb looked into the function room of the resort and quietly counted the couples slowly dancing as the band began another tune. The men wore black dinner jackets and bow-ties, the women were all clothed in such amazing and elegant gowns. The evening was such a special night for Deb and she smiled. Her first New Year's Party as a practising lawyer, she shook her head with a smile and wondered how she ever ended up here. But at thirty-three years old, Deb was finally sure of where her life was going, she finally felt as if she could fit in.
A tall gentleman approached Deb and handed her a glass of champagne. She took the glass and smiled up at him. He was lean and she spent just a little more time than she should have admiring how the cut of his suit revealed his athletic build. She didn't blush however as she stood and hugged Eric. Deb rested her hand on his back and he leaned in to kiss her neck. It was only a gentle brush of his lips really but Deb got an incredible feeling of satisfaction from his subtle gesture.
Eric gently turned Deb around and the two stood, arms around each others waists, watching the crowd. “Want to mingle?” He said it with a raised brow and a hint of sarcasm, but Deb knew from his tone that he would be happy to do whatever she wanted.
She looked up at his face and frowned, “I thought you were going to have a shave?” She said it as she lightly brushed the dark stubble on his cheek.
His mouth spread wide, and he rested his hand over hers, “I was, but-”
Eric turned away with a teasing smile and Deb couldn't help but break out into one of her own, “but, I like a bit of stubble? Is that it, Eric?” She said, teasing him back.
He looked down and laughed before locking eyes with her, “I think that's about right.”
Deb gently slapped his shoulder and took a sip of her champagne.
“As to your other question, no, I don't want to mingle,” Deb turned back to the ocean and took another deep breath, her eyes instinctively and gently closing as she did.
Eric watched her closely and smiled, “beautiful.” He let the word out slowly and closed his own eyes.
Without moving or opening her eyes Deb smiled, “me, or this beach?”
“Well,” Eric began and let out another teasing laugh.
Deb mock gasped and turned around gently slapping his shoulder again.
Eric pretended to defend himself, “the beach has nothing on you, Deb,” he chuckled as he said it and Deb smiled, wrapping her arms around his waist.
Eric leant in and kissed her on the lips. His gentle brush against her lips caused her heart to race. Eric pulled back slightly, watching as Deb delicately moved her chin towards him. He leant in for another kiss and this time he pulled her tightly towards him.
When they were done, Deb noticed that Eric was breathing heavily, and she realised that she was too. She rested her head on his chest and listened to his heart. He brushed a hair from her face and held her close as they looked out into the ocean.
“Thankyou for being here for me.” Deb almost whispered the words into Eric's chest and she felt him pull her tighter.
“You deserve it Deb.” Eric gently stroked her hair and she smiled, she had never felt more alive.

In another part of the hotel, Jeff sat in a large leather lounge, his relaxation disturbed by the loud laughter of his three mates. The boys had wanted to party but Jeff was just hoping for a quiet New Year's. He smiled as his mates cracked jokes. The four of them were all twenty-seven and with the real world finally settling in on the young men, they didn't have much time for each other. Since Jeff had gained his teaching degree only a year ago he was flat out with work.
One of his mates was a contractor, another was still a medical school. The third was working as a journalist. Two of the three were married, one of them was a happy marriage. The contractor had a long term girlfriend. Jeff never felt left out by this, he had been single for a long time but he enjoyed trying to find out who he was.
Jeff nodded his head as his mates left to get more beers, he wasn't drinking because he was the designated driver. Jeff looked around the cocktail lounge and smiled at a girl at the bar. He had been single for so long now, he thought. He promised himself that he wouldn't enter a relationship until he was sure that it was the right time. Jeff frowned as he wondered what he meant when he made that promise years ago. He had a good job and his own house.
Jeff looked down at the brown leather shoes on his feet. They were new and clean. Jeff smiled at the shoes and ran a hand through his blonde hair. He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. It was a new year, maybe it was time to take a chance.
Jeff stood up and walked over to his mates. He stood slightly apart from the group and made eye contact with the girl standing at the bar. She wore a blue silk cocktail dress, her blonde hair was cut short. Jeff gave a glance at his mates and shrugged at the girl. She let out a silent laugh and looked down at the bar, her mouth spread into a smile.
Jeff made his way over to where she stood. She looked up at him and smiled.
“Hi. I had to get away from those guys, they're my mates, but they can be a handful,” Jeff smiled as he gestured to his mates who were knocking down shots of tequila, “as you can see,” he added.
She smiled and raised an eyebrow, “yep, they sure do look like a handful.” Jeff noticed her perfume, it smelt of citrus.
“Hi, I'm Jeff,” he stuck out his hand and she took it into hers.
“Karen,” she replied as she shook his hand.
“Drinking tonight, Karen?” Jeff asked.
“Nope,” Karen replied with a smile as she raised her glass of water, “designated driver.”
Jeff smiled and held his hand to his chest in a gesture of mock sincerity, “a feeling I know all too well.” Karen chuckled at this and Jeff felt a warmth in her laughter that gave him a boost of confidence.
“What do you do Karen?” Jeff was normally never this direct but he felt at ease around this woman, who was a complete stranger.
“Hmm, long story actually. I can give you the short version if you want,” Karen smiled as she said this, Jeff noticed that she blushed slightly as she tried to think of her answer.
“Let me hear the short version and then I'll tell you if I want the long version,” Jeff smiled teasingly as he said this and was glad when Karen smiled widely at him.
“That's fair enough, I'm a vet actually. What about you Jeff?”
“I'd still like to hear that long version sometime,” Jeff laughed, “Me? Well I'm a teacher.”
“Wow,” Karen said, “enjoy it?” She sipped her water through a straw and looked up at Jeff expectantly.
“I've just started a few months ago but yeah, I'm actually loving it.” Jeff smiled as he said this, it dawned on him that he hadn't had such an easy and open conversation in years.
“Umm Jeff?” Karen said, looking over Jeff's shoulder.
Jeff turned to see one of his mates being escorted out of the lounge by a bouncer.
“I'm so sorry, Karen. I have to go.” Jeff turned to leave but halted as he felt a hand on his shoulder.
He turned around to see Karen offering him a bar-mat with a phone number scrawled on it.
The two shared a smile as they locked eyes, and for the first time in a while, Jeff felt alive.

New Romance

Just taking a quick break from my writing comp (which is going quite well). Needed something to mix it up a little.

Ok this is hardly romance, its actually fearly bleak and dark but it features my usual romantic leads; Jeff and Deb. A lot of emotion etc, I tried to convey some ideas of love and loss but plot wise its a hard nut to crack, trying to give this a happy ending.

So, hopefully you can enjoy this. Truthfully I didn't enjoy writing this as much as I thought I would when I set out to write another quick Jeff and Deb. It actually left me fairly depressed.


Jeff & Deb Meet Again
Tim Harvey

The front door to the flat stood open, the screen hung out in the elements and the heavy wooden door rested safe inside the flat. Deb looked at the wooden door, it was heavy and safe. If she closed it now, she could be all right. If she could just close this door she would be safe inside the flat. But she couldn't close the door, there was no way.
Outside the flat, standing next to the hanging screen door Jeff stood looking at the welcome mat. He didn't quite feel welcome. The air between the outside of the flat and the inside was vast, a vacuum of incredible silence that threatened to swallow any sound that tried to pass between it. Jeff could turn around and walk, just like he did years ago. But he couldn't walk, there was no way.
It had been three years since the two had seen each other. Three years since Jeff left, and three years since Deb lost the baby.
There was a horrible thickness to the air between them. Jeff wanted to open his mouth but couldn't even begin to comprehend how he could cut through this silence.
Deb's eyes slowly moved to Jeff, he had left because of her.
Jeff's eyes drifted upward to Deb, she hated him for leaving.
“Deb,” Jeff began but his voice cracked, had she even heard him say anything?
Deb stood as still as she could. She was frozen and undeniably certain that she would stay this way until he spoke. He tried to say something. She should speak now, but she couldn't.
“Deb,” Jeff looked down. He had a painful sense of deja-vu that came from nowhere.
“I'm so sorry.” The words drifted easily through the air, although they were the hardest things Jeff had ever had to say, not because he didn't mean it, but because it reminded him of what he did.
He felt a deep weight in his stomach, so heavy he needed to sit down. But he stood still, his thin frame swaying slightly in the crisp breeze.
Deb's eyes were red and her mind was rocked violently with waves of anger. Every second thought was to slam the door in his face, every second thought was about how much pain and suffering this man had caused her.
But, every other thought was about the impossible sense of safety he gave her. She knew he could never hurt her intentionally but she was terrified of what he could do to her accidentally, had done to her accidentally. He didn't know what he was doing when he left.
“I didn't know what I was doing when I left.”
She had spent three years trying to forget about him but it was impossible. Every day whenever she drifted away from her work, or the television, or a book, she found her thoughts were devoted to him. She held conversations with him in her mind, she wondered what he would say if she told him something secret. She imagined herself happily married and successful when he showed up and she would gloat about her incredible life, and she would hate herself. She wondered what he would do if she was in an accident and held conversations with him in the hospital. He always apologised, in her thoughts. He always made her feel safe. She could go days hating him, this led to her hating herself, which made her hate him even more. She would love him and then she would hate him, in her mind she screamed at him.
The moment he walked out that door, three years ago, Jeff felt sick. He was violently rocked from his sleep by physically painful bouts of guilt. He had trouble eating and sleeping. His dreams were peaceful until she appeared. She cried and pushed him away and he screamed. Jeff ate very little, he would begin to chew and drift away. She would drift into his thoughts and the food in his mouth began to rot. In his dreams he jumped off buildings and threw pills down his throat. He dreamt of brutally hacking at his limbs in front of her and he woke up to vomit into his bin, which was never far from his bed. She hated him and he hated himself. He loved her but he hated her too. He hated her for making him feel this way, and in selfish twangs of horror he found himself dreaming of their death.
She looked at the man standing in her doorway. He was gaunt and almost skeletal. She had hoped that he had suffered for his actions but instantly she felt a wave of fear for his well-being. He was sick and she could tell he was in pain. This man had changed her life. They shared everything, he let her talk openly and she never once felt judged. She never once felt that Jeff would laugh at her or accuse her. He was so open himself and she had the strangest desire to know everything he thought, every move he would make. She had an instinctual desire to protect him and hold him close when he didn't understand something. She wanted to guide him and teach him everything she knew, and if she didn't know the answers to his questions she wanted to hold his hand and the two of them would learn together. When she hugged him he was always stiff at first but he would loosen up and wrap his arms around her shoulders and pull her tightly towards him. She never felt comfortable with anyone like she did with him. In his arms was the safest place in the world, he knew how to care for her and protect her from the world.
Jeff looked through the doorway at Deb. She looked well, although she looked much older than when he had left. He still felt captivated by the sparkle in her eyes. She led him into this adult world by the hand and he wanted to go. He wanted to learn everything she knew. Whenever he stood dumbly hoping that she would reach out to him, there was an amazing feeling through his whole body when she did. Her delicate gentle hands wrapping around his own clunky nervous ones made him feel alive. He could never be articulate, he could never be close or initiate contact, but she would always know when he felt inadequate and reach out to touch him. Sometimes she kissed him, sometimes it was hug, but even the lightest brush of his hand coated him in a warmth and safety he could never find anywhere but with her.
Deb was tired of hatred and anger. She couldn't go on in pain and guilt and she needed someone to help her through. She needed warmth and compassion. She needed the passionate embrace of a man who would do anything to make her feel special and alive again. As frightened as she was for thinking it, she needed Jeff.
Jeff swayed slightly, the light breeze enough to move his thin frame. He was sick and tired of his guilt. She could never love him as she did but he needed her to know he was sorry. His mistake had cost him his life and even though she could never take him back he needed her to know that she was the most important person in his life. If she was in pain he wanted to be the one to make it go away.
Deb stepped closer to the doorway, eventually reaching the doorstep. She knew he couldn't do anything. He would never be able to throw his arms around her, she had to do that for him. But she was so tired, she felt weak and numb. If he can't do this for me, she thought, if he can't reach out and hold me, I can't do this. One time, I need him to reach out to me, just this one time.
Jeff stepped closer to the door. Deb had taken a few steps forward and he thought it best to do the same. He needed to hold her, he could see it in her eyes. She needed him to take her in his arms and hold her tightly. She needed this now more than ever, her body language told him that she was aching to be held.
Deb stood in the doorway and Jeff moved closer. He was frozen by fear. She couldn't possibly love him. He swayed harder, the air between the two was dribbling with the fear of rejection.

“I'm sorry,” the words were barely audible and Jeff turned and left.
“No,” Deb gasped equally inaudibly, but it was too late.


Enjoy the ending? No, me neither. I might have to create some new romantic leads, I feel like I've irreversibly ruined any hope for these two.

Romance Update

First off, apologies for no update last week, been busy with Irredeemable research.

This week's short is a bit of a prequel to the Jeff and Deb short that I posted a few weeks back, a bit of how they met. I wanted to make it more "romancy" but it ended up being a bit more "plotty," if that makes any sense. I'm doing some serious work on the updated Irredeemable so hopefully I'll be working on that next week.


I just wrote this and haven't edited it, so please disregard any mistakes.

Jeff and Deb Meet
By Tim Harvey

Deb jerked her head forward, the rush of tequila sliding down her throat, warm and dangerous, made her eyes water.
“Woo!” Sally choked and threw her fist into the air.
Deb laughed at her friend and threw an arm around her shoulder, “best night ever?”
Sally nodded, coughing. A few other girls standing at the crowded bar of the nightclub exchanged glances, smirked and stepped away from Sally.
“Fuck em,” Deb whispered to Sally, noticing they were being made fun of. Sally nodded, trying not to cough, her throat burning with the tequila. She wasn't quite sure what Deb was talking about, but she smiled and nodded anyway.
“Hey, let's sit down... somewhere.” Sally's head was spinning, she had major trouble keeping up with Deb, who could drink her under the table on most occasions.
Deb nodded and grabbed Sally by the elbow, guiding her towards a booth near the dance floor. Deb slid easily through the crowd, she was used to navigating the flood of drunken elbows and feet flying around imitating dance. Her nostrils flared with the usual overpowering scent of sweat, cologne and perfume. Among those smells, her nose caught a whiff of something very sweet, something she had been looking for.
Halting abruptly and dismissing Sally, who had walked into her back, Deb stood still and surveyed the crowd, finally landing eyes on what she was after.
“There!” She exclaimed and Sally raised her head, nodding, her eyes closed.
Deb quickly sat Sally down in the nearest booth and made her way through the crowd again, back towards the bar. She had smelt this scent only once before and was determined not to miss her chance again. Deb twisted and turned as she made her way between people, all of them seeming to sweat profusely. Her high heels stuck to the floor as she walked, the soles of her shoes glued to innumerable spilt drinks. She felt if she stood still for too long she wouldn't be able to move at all. That's how she felt about most things in her life these days, she realised. Her skirt felt too short, she also realised. Her hairstyle felt... too young. She slowed her walk through the crowd. Her focus lost, she found herself waiting for people to move, instead of sliding gracefully past them. She felt old.
You're only twenty-three, Deb, she thought. What are you talking about feeling old? But as she looked around she got the eerie feeling that everyone in the club was younger than her. Hell, that guy over there couldn't be older than sixteen, she thought.
She realised that she was still deep inside her thoughts when she noticed that she was already standing at the bar.
“Finally,” she mumbled to herself. Finally, she could get what she was after. She could see it now, perfectly poised behind the bar. She had been waiting for this for quite some time.
Deb gave her best smile to the bartender and tucked her hair behind her ear. He looked over and smiled back, quickly finishing up with his customer, he headed straight towards her.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” he replied. “What'll it be?”
She had been waiting for this for so long and now it was finally happening.
“I noticed you had that new vanilla and cherry vodka. I'll take a shot of that.” She had done it.
The bartender chuckled, “that's popular stuff.” He shook his head and grabbed the perfectly poised bottle from behind the bar. It smelt just as Deb had remembered, and it tasted better than she could have imagined.
“Oh yeah, that's the stuff.” She smiled and reached for her purse to pay for the drink.
The smile faded as she realised she had thrust her purse into Sally's lap when she seated her in the booth.
“Problem?” The bartender raised an eyebrow.
Oh shit, Deb thought. You look like real idiot now, Deb. What? You must look like a real piece of trash now, Deb. Where is this coming from? She stopped the rush of negative thoughts as soon as they had started. She had never thought about herself like that before, and she didn't like it.
Deb put on her best smile and was about to explain her predicament when a tanned, smooth hand slid a twenty across the bar in front of her. The bartender gave the guy a crude look but accepted the money and disappeared.
Deb went to thank the guy for the generous act but stopped cold, it was the guy who looked as if he was sixteen. He was taller than her by quite a bit, his ashen blonde hair in medium length spikes and his skin was tanned. But he looked ridiculously young, she thought.
“Thanks, kid.” She scoffed before quickly leaving the bar.
Catching a quick glance at the boy over her shoulder as she walked back to her booth, she couldn't help but feel like a bitch when she noticed his slumped shoulders and nervous glances at the bartender. He didn't look at me though, she thought.

As she got back to the booth she gasped when she saw two guys hanging around Sally. Deb no longer felt like the oldest person in the club as she saw that one of the men was well into his thirties, and seated across from Sally. The other stood, leaning on the side of the chair, blocking Sally's ability to exit the booth. Not that Sally was in any position to make an escape, her head was in her hands and her elbows rested on the table.
“Heyyy... Deb-Bra!” Sally's eyes lit up as Deb rushed over to her.
“Hey I'm gonna get outta here, Debbb.” Sally slurred, the two men exchanged glances and chuckled.
“Yeah, okay let's go,” Deb quickly answered, her heart racing. She stood next to the table and grabbed her purse.
“Nooo, Deb. I'm... I'm going with these guys.” Sally waved her hand through the air, attempting to gesture towards the two men but instead indicating the entire club.
“No that's all right guys, I got this. Come on Sal, let's go.” Deb wanted to grab Sally but one of the men stood between them.
“No, don't worry about it Debs,” the seated man said. “We can give Sally here a ride.”
“We can give you a ride too, babe.” The other man said.
Deb took a step back from the man, just in case he went to grab her. He wouldn't want to grab you, Deb. Shut up!
“All right! Listen to me you fucking idiot. You'd better get out of here right now, or I'm calling a bouncer.” Deb stood, shaking, but with more than a hint of confidence in her voice. After all, what could they do to us in here?
The two men just laughed at her.
“Don't worry about that, Debs,” the seated man said, laughing. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a beaten leather wallet. Deb shook harder as he flicked it open and she saw his security identification sitting right above his driver's licence.
He was the fucking bouncer? Should have thought of that, Deb. Stop it, I'm thinking.
She didn't know what to do, she couldn't hurt these two huge guys. There was no way out of this. Maybe if they went with them? Maybe she could call the police once they were outside? That sounds dangerous, Deb. What else can I do?
“Fine, you win,” Deb sighed. “Let's go.”
The two men exchanged cautious glances but eventually shrugged, realising they had the upper hand. The seated man stood up and grabbed Sally's hand. Sally just raised her head and smiled, her eyes closed. The man standing near the booth started walking towards the door and that's when Deb chose to strike. She threw her arm towards the man holding Sally's hand, her fist connecting with the side of his face.
“Hey, shit.” He wasn't quite sure what happened but he let go of Sally and that was all that Deb needed. She threw her arm around Sally's waist and guided her towards the exit. The two men stood confused for a moment then carefully followed the two girls through the club.
What now, Deb? There is a taxi rank outside, if we're quick, we can get one before those creeps can make it out of the club.
Before they could get anywhere near the door Deb's ability to glide through the crowd was suddenly thwarted by a tall, awkward young guy, who had obviously not spent enough time in clubs before.
“Hey.” He looked nervously down at Deb.
“Jesus, get outta the way idiot!” She almost yelled at him.
“Wha- Oh... sorry.” He shuffled out of the way but it was too late, the two men had caught up.
“Hey thanks for finding our girlfriends buddy,” one of the men smiled at the blonde guy.
“Oh... Sure,” the guy nervously looked away and began to leave.
“Wait!” Deb screamed.
People began to move away from the five of them, not concerned with getting involved. Most people in the club didn't even hear Deb's scream over the music.
The blonde guy stared at Deb, then shifted his gaze to Sally.
“Don't worry about it buddy,” one of the men clapped the blonde youth on the shoulder and began to guide the two girls towards the exit.
“Stop.” The blonde murmured, causing the two men to pause.
“I said, don't worry about it.” One of the men said sternly, his face now inches from the blonde guy's.
“I don't think these girls want to go with you.” The blonde youth stood his ground.
Jesus, they'll kill him, Deb thought. You got him into this mess, Deb.
She stood, mouth hanging open, and watched the three men square off. Well, two men and one kid. The blonde guy was tall though, as tall as the two men. He must play a sport, Deb thought and caught herself there. This wasn't the time or place for staring at guys. You should be getting Sally out of here while they're distracted, she realised. But, she couldn't take her eyes off the three of them.
Suddenly one of the men threw a fist at the boy.
The impact caused her to jump, it looked as if there was no resistance at all. The man's arm flew and the boy's head flew back. He was on the floor before she could take a breath.
Deb wrapped her arm around Sally's waist and the two girls stared at the crumpled body of the blonde boy, lying on the ground. The crowd shuffled and there was a collective gasp, audible over the loud music. Even drunken Sally looked concerned.
Deb stood in shock as a Police Officer grabbed the man who threw the punch, and shoved him to the ground. The other man stood by, and Deb noticed he was talking to another police officer.
The man who threw the punch was being escorted away in cuffs and paramedics stood over the boy.
A woman led the two girls outside and Deb didn't let go of Sally's waist until her mother arrived to take her home.
Deb blinked and took a deep breath. The boy sat on a stretcher being wheeled past her.
Flashing blue and red lights echoed their reflections against the brick buildings of the main street in the city.
“Wait!” Deb called.
The paramedics stopped wheeling the boy and Deb ran over to him.
“What's your name?”
The boy slid the oxygen mask down, away from his mouth. His left eye was swollen closed but he managed a small, pained smile.
“Jeff. What's yours?”
“Deb.”
“Cool.”

Romance Short?

This week's short is a possible attempt at the romance genre. I really struggled with making some sort of "and they lived happily ever after" ending but I think there's hope there, which sort of works. During the writing I kept going back to my old school style of dark and twisted, which I find hard to implement into romance. I should try to write a completely cheery and happy romance story but I fear I'll just end up laughing at it.

As far as the writing goes I really let the characters tell their own story and the plot really evolved on the spot through their thoughts, which was great. I'd love to follow this up with more stories about Jeff and Deb.

As far as music goes for the week, try this Mountain Goats song. John Darnielle is a master lyricist, I've seen them live twice and can assure you they are incredible.


Jeff and Deb
By Tim Harvey

Deb noticed how heavy her shoulders felt all of a sudden as she stood in the living room doorway watching her boyfriend lounging on the couch. Jeff's limbs stretched out at all angles, one leg resting on the couch, another hanging off the side. One of his arms folded behind his head and the other resting on his lap. The hand of the arm folded behind his head limply clung to the television remote control.
He looks like a boy, Deb thought. Oh God, he is just a boy. She inhaled deeply at the sudden realisation that her life was not as it had seemed a few minutes ago. Some ideas cannot be un-thought, she decided. Releasing the air from her lungs was surprisingly difficult and she felt her throat closing up, making her breath come out in chopped up gusts.
Jeff's head turned slightly, his eyes still determined to hold their focus on the TV. He glanced over his shoulder, away from the screen, for a split-second, to see Deb standing in the doorway, a shopping bag in either hand, her handbag hanging heavily from her shoulder.
“Hey Deb, didn't hear you come in,” he mumbled before inhaling deeply and rearranging himself on the couch. This basically involved rolling his torso out of the deep groove he had created and switching the positions of his arms, the remote hand now resting on his lap, his eyes again fixed to the screen.
Deb felt her eyes begin to itch. She rested the bags on the ground near the door and struggled to lift her handbag over her shoulder. Delicately she bent down and rested it on the floor near the two shopping bags that contained the week's groceries. She paused for a moment, to take another breath. Brushing her hair out of her eyes, still leaning over her handbag, she felt a warm tear dribble down her cheek.
It's my fault, she thought. Dammit, you stupid-- Just, dammit. She looked over to Jeff, the back of his head now at her level. Her chest and throat felt like they were being slowly constricted. She felt a sudden urge to grab her handbag and run out of the living room, out of the front door of their rented unit and out into the street. She wanted more than ever to run, to get away from Jeff, to get away from herself.
Damn you Deb, she thought. You started this, you got him into this. That poor boy, she thought as she looked at his ashen blonde hair. Her hand instinctively reached out, but held back from stroking his head. You stupid bitch, she thought to herself. I hate you!
Tears flowed from her eyes as she sat down on the ground, drawing her knees up to her face and wrapping her arms around her legs.
“What? Deb!” Jeff scrambled off of the couch, dropping the remote and slipping on the bottoms of his grey track-pants, the waist band of which had worked its way down around his behind. Not bothering to compose himself any more than to pull his pants up to a reasonable position, Jeff dived down next to Deb, almost bowling her over.
“Deb, what's wrong?”
She sniffed and wiped her nose; “I'm sorry-- Jeff,” she choked out the words.
“Deb, what?” Jeff edged closer to her, trying to goad her into raising her head.
She felt the need to look at him and lifted her eyes slowly, brushing her hair behind her ears. Jeff's green eyes hit her square in the chest. He was scared, she knew he was scared. Scared for her, Deb thought. Oh you stupid boy, you poor boy! You should be scared for you, what have I done?
“I'm so sorry... Please Jeff, know that I'm sorry.”
“What is it, Deb? Tell me! Please!” Jeff's face twisted with confusion and fear.
She's killed someone, he thought. She's run over a kid on her way home! Deb's going to go to prison, for life. No, wait, she didn't drive. She's cheating on me? What did I do? No, nothing, she would have said something, right? No, she's... she's sick! She's got cancer! Oh Jesus, she's going to die. She's going to die tomorrow! I've only got twenty-four hours left with Deb, Oh God! That can't be right.
Deb sniffed and wiped her eyes. Time to face up to what you did, she told herself. He's going to know you did it and he's going to hate you! You deserve it anyway, and he's going to leave you forever. Why did you do it, Deb? Why did you do this to him, this beautiful boy, this poor boy. He is going to hate you, and he's only seventeen! You stupid-- You should have known better than to get so involved with someone who was still in highschool! You're twenty-four, Deb! What were you doing!
“I'm pregnant Jeff.”
Jeff's features went blank, his tanned skin went pale and he moved slightly away from her.
See, Deb thought, you've killed him! Can't you see it, look at his eyes! You've destroyed his life, he's dead now. He's going to die now... No, he's going to kill you! You deserve it too. Deb... Why did you stop taking the pill? Why did you do that, Deb? What was the plan, Deb? Why do you hate Jeff?
I don't hate Jeff! Her thoughts burst through the cloud of vicious negativity floating within her mind. I love him! Oh God, I was scared, okay? I was scared he would leave me! Are you happy? Are you happy now? I'm not perfect, but you don't have to be such a bitch about it!
“Pregnant?” Jeff mumbled, almost to himself. His lips and tongue fumbling with the word, trying it out. It was new and it scared him. How did this happen? Jeff thought Deb was on the pill. She must have forgotten, Jeff thought. That's the only way, she must-- Oh God!
Jeff sprung to life and raised his arms reaching out towards Deb.
Here it comes, bitch, Deb's mind vomited malicious and destructive thoughts as Jeff came closer.
Breathing deeply, Jeff wrapped his arms around Deb's shoulders and held her tightly. His face resting against her shoulder. She must be killing herself inside, for forgetting, Jeff thought. He did his best to comfort her, he didn't know what else to do, so he held her.
Deb's body went limp and she curled into Jeff's embrace. Slowly she began to cry, moaning loudly between bouts of quiet sobbing.
“Don't worry, please don't cry,” Jeff begged, his eyes closed, holding back his own tears.
“I'm-- so... sorry!” Deb moaned.
“Don't be, please, don't be sorry. We'll work this out.” Jeff held Deb's shoulders and moved his head away from hers to get a good look at her face. He smiled as best as he could and wiped a tear from her cheek, “we'll get through this.”
Jeff sat on his knees before her, holding her shoulders in his strong hands. She cried again and fell into his chest. He's not a boy, she thought. She curled into his embrace and he held her tighter.
I hope he can forgive me, she thought. She had changed both their lives forever now, and she cried harder.