Writing comp redraft!

A new redraft of this morning's writing comp entry. I'll take a moment here to explain that I'm trying to comment on differing views that society has regarding gender roles, especially young adults and the views on unwanted sexual attention and harrassment. I'm tired of the idea that most men are seen as being sexually driven and that most women are depicted as victims. I do get that sometimes this is the case and I think that this version addresses what I was really trying to get at with the situation. It is more of a comparison piece and I think it works quite well, but I'll leave that up to any readers.

On a side note; not sure about the title, but that will evolve with the story. Two Out seems pretty sharp, but we'll see.


Two Out
Tim Harvey



'This club is a hole.' The words were barely audible to Angie. Jane stood at the bar swaying slightly, waiting for Angie to respond.
'Did you hear me?' Jane adjusted her tone, and it sliced through the music and hit Angie's ear.
'What? Sorry,' Angie said, twirling towards her friend.
'I said this club is a hole!'
Angie's eyes scanned the thinning crowd of people on the dance floor, 'Sure is.'
'Wanna go upstairs, to the balcony?' Jane's words were slow and carefully planned, but she hadn't quite mastered where to adjust her pitch. The question came out as more of a statement with the emphasis on “upstairs.”
'Okay,' Angie answered.

The two girls made their way up the stairs. Angie walked behind Jane just in case she slipped on the stairs. To Angie's surprise, Jane made it up with grace and confidence. She did stumble once she reached solid ground though, falling into Angie.
'Sorry,' Jane said casually over her shoulder.
'It's okay.'
Angie didn't normally go out with the girls much, and tonight was no exception. She had arrived to the party late, deliberately avoiding the main gaggle. Jane however had stuck around. She was a proper party girl.
'I'm – I have to.' Angie heard Jane slur something and turned to see that she had disappeared into the ladies'. The balcony bar was relatively quiet, and besides a few groups of people there wasn't much going on. Angie decided to go and order a water for Jane.
As she stood at the bar a guy caught her eye. He was standing alone, further down the bar. Angie noticed that he looked quite good in his tight fitting shirt and trousers. When he turned to face her she looked towards the bar. Out of the corner of her eye she could see him stumbling along the bar towards her, dragging his pint of beer across the surface.
'Hi,' he said. His eyes were a vibrant blue and they pierced through Angie. He could have been looking at the wall behind her.
'Hey,' she replied, and managed to order the water.
'Having fun tonight?' He asked the question in a series of disjointed slurring. His breathing was heavy and irregular.
'Just a few quiet ones with my friend,' Angie said as she took the glass of water.
'Where is your friend?' The emphasis on “friend” sounded accusatory, as if he thought Angie was lying.
'She's in the toilet,' Angie answered. His stare was violent and burnt a hole in the side of Angie's head. She held her gaze on the rows of bottles behind the bar.
'Sure.' The guy took a sip of his beer. 'Looking for some fun tonight?'
Angie turned towards him and noticed that he was dancing awkwardly next to her. He was cute, but she realised he would be a whole lot cuter if he wasn't so drunk. Angie knew he didn't realise how uncomfortable he was making her, but she let him dance anyway.
'Sorry, I'm just here for a quiet one.' Her words made the guy freeze in his dance.
He opened his eyes wide and leered at her, before offering a cheeky grin. 'What? Something wrong with me?' He continued his dancing.
'No. Not at all.' Angie watched him closely. He began to dance closer and closer to her. 'You are a bit drunk though.'
He paused again, 'Nothing wrong with that.'
'I guess not,' Angie replied, turning back to the bar and ending the conversation.
'Come on, you look like you want to party.'
Angie felt something terrible and it was her turn to freeze. The guy had planted his hand on her bottom. Angie gulped hard and felt her previous drink rising up into her chest. The guy squeezed, and Angie flinched.
'Please don't,' she managed to squeak and moved away, out of his grip.
'Come on, what's wrong with me?' He took his hand off of her dress, and she silently thanked whoever was listening.
'Nothing. I'm just not interested, okay?'
'Are you gay?' The question didn't make sense to Angie. She was clearly not interested in being groped by a drunken stranger.
'What? No.'
'Got a boyfriend? Is that it?'
'No.'
'You need to loosen up, baby.' He slid his arm across the bar and rested his hand on her chest. Angie froze. She felt cold and numb. The guy began to stroke her breast, through her dress. Angie couldn't move. She felt something draining from her body. Her self worth was slowly draining out of her. It was replaced by nothing. She was empty.
The guy let out a horrible chuckle. His stroking, gentle at first, was now rough and fierce. Angie stood in shock. She couldn't move. She could barely think. Tears began to well up behind her eyes as she watched him do as he pleased. She stood there and let him finish.
'You like that?' He was horrible. His fingers slid out from the top of her dress and Angie finally let out a breath. Her eyes shifted to gaze around the bar. The dizziness in her head left the rest of the bar in a blur. Nobody noticed. Angie instinctively blinked away tears.
'Loosen up baby!' He grunted into her ear. She could smell the alcohol on his breath, choking her senses. At first she didn't feel it. Her body was shaking and numb from what had just happened. She blinked and finally felt his cold horrible hand sliding down her stomach and towards her hips.
The tears became too powerful to hold back. 'Please,' she choked out.
'Shut up and enjoy it you bitch.' His fingers slid between her legs. She felt as if he wanted to poke a hole through her dress.
Angie couldn't breathe. Her chest felt tight and she managed to inhale, but the air wouldn't come back out. Something snapped inside her. She felt a sense of power bubbling in her stomach. This would not happen to her.
'Stop.' She whispered into his ear. 'Stop, now.' Her power had returned. This would not happen to her.
'Shut up,' his eyes were greedily fixed on her dress.
It was now or never, and Angie felt a kick of empowerment spark her senses. The adrenaline pumped through her veins and she lost all feeling of doubt and emptiness.
'Get the fuck off me! You fucking bastard!' Her scream rang out through the bar, turning heads as it echoed across the walls. He gave one last poke before a solid form appeared behind him. Angie could barely make out the bouncer through her tears.
'You're done here.' The commanding voice echoed around Angie and the pressure on her body instantly vanished. The guy turned to confront the bouncer, but was held back by his solid arms.
The bouncer and the guy disappeared down the stairs.
'Are you okay?' The bartender's weak and shaky voice sounded next to Angie.
'I'll be fine.' She managed a weak smile and he returned it.

'What happened?' Jane screamed, stomping across the room.
'Some guy,' Angie broke off, tears streamed down her cheeks as she weakly pointed towards the stairs.
'What did he do?' Jane asked, throwing her arm around Angie.
'He grabbed me,' Angie said between sobs.
'Fucking bastard!' Jane yelled at the empty stairwell. 'What did you do?'
'I screamed. The bouncer took him away.'
'Don't worry. He'll get what's coming to him.' Jane pulled Angie closer. 'You're okay girl.'
Jane stroked Angie's hair as she hid her face in her hands.
After a few moments, and with a proud sniff, Angie revealed her face. 'I'll be okay.'

**

'The word pub is short for public house,' Pete's mate informed him, beer dribbling down his chin. Pete smiled and nodded, swishing beer around in his mouth before swallowing hard. Public house. A place for everyone.
'I gotta take a slash.' John patted Pete on the shoulder and twirled around, disappearing through the crowd. Pete was never really comfortable standing at the bar by himself. He never really knew why, but he just wasn't. He finished his beer in one long gulp. It was getting warm anyway and he knew the bitter after taste would only get worse, the warmer the drink got.
A young woman slid along the bar up to where Pete was standing, her elbow polishing the veneer as she glided towards him.
'Hi,' she said. Her eyes were a vibrant blue and they pierced through him. She could easily have been looking at the wall behind Pete.
'Hey,' He replied and ordered another beer.
'Having fun tonight?' She asked, her voice trailed in a fit of awkward slurring. Pete noticed that her breathing was heavy and irregular.
'Just a few quiet ones with my mate,' Pete told her as he paid for the beer that had been placed in front of him.
'Where is your mate?' The emphasis on “mate” felt almost accusatory to Pete, as if she though he was lying.
'He's in the toilet,' Pete replied. Her stare was violent, and Pete leant on the bar avoiding her gaze.
'Sure.' She sipped her drink, the one that she dragged across the bar with her. 'Looking for some fun tonight?'
Pete looked over and noticed that she was dancing, close to him. She was pretty, but she would have been a whole lot more attractive if she wasn't so drunk. He realised that she probably didn't know how uncomfortable she was making him, and he let her dance in her ignorance.
'Sorry, I'm just here for a quiet one.' Pete's words made her freeze. Her eyes opened wide and she leered at him before attempting a sultry bat of the lashes.
'What? Something wrong with me?' She started dancing again.
'No, not at all.' Pete watched her closely as she began to dance closer, and closer. 'You are a bit drunk though.'
She paused again. 'Nothing wrong with that.'
'I guess not,' Pete said and turned back to the bar, ending the conversation.
'Come on, you look like you want to party.' Pete felt something terrible, and it was his turn to freeze. Her hand rested on Pete's arse. He gulped down hard, feeling the beer rising up in his chest. She squeezed and he flinched.
'Please don't,' Pete said hastily, moving away from her grip.
'Come on, what's wrong with me?' She took her hand off of his jeans, thankfully.
'Nothing. I'm just not interested, okay?'
'Are you gay?' Her question came out of nowhere. He was just not interested in being groped in a pub by a drunken stranger.
'What? No.'
'Got a girlfriend? Is that it?'
'No.'
'You need to loosen up, babe.' She slid her arm over and placed it on his chest. Pete felt cold and numb. Her fingers began to eagerly stroke his chest, through his shirt. Pete started to feel something draining from his body. His value as a person was slowly being rinsed away. She bit her lip, and he saw that her eyes were fixed to his chest. Her stroking, gentle at first, became hard and terrible.
Pete stood there in shock. He couldn't move or think. How was this happening? Pete felt all self worth washed clean. It wasn't replaced by anything. He felt empty. Tears began to well up behind his eyes, and he let her finish.
'You like that?' She was terrible. Her hand slid out from underneath his shirt, and Pete finally breathed. It was over. He looked around the pub, breathing heavily. His eyes instinctively blinked away tears, and the room became a blur. Nobody noticed. Nobody here cared what was happening to him.
'Loosen up baby!' She whispered into his ear. Pete could smell the booze on her breath.
She did something. At first Pete couldn't tell what was happening. He was still recovering from what she has just done. He couldn't feel. He didn't exist.
She grabbed at Pete's crotch. Her fingers glided over his jeans. He feel them wrap around him. Pete felt his chest constrict. He couldn't breathe. He inhaled, but couldn't get any air out. Pete's mouth hung open, and he couldn't breathe. The tears were too painful to hold back. How could she do this? Why would she think this was okay?
'Please,' Pete choked out.
'Shut up and enjoy it you pussy.' Her fingers grabbed harshly at him. Pete felt as if she wanted to rip through his jeans. Something had to be done. He couldn't take it. Pete glanced around the room again. Nobody cared. Nobody.
Pete felt something building up inside of him. Something powerful. With each tug and violent stroke at his pants, the pressure built up inside of him. It made him feel warm and safe. He felt it begin to bubble to the surface.
'Stop,' Pete whispered harshly into her ear. 'Stop, now.' Something had returned to him, some value.
'Shut up,' her eyes were fixed on Pete's groin.
He wouldn't not allow this to happen to him.
'Get the fuck off me! You fucking bitch!' He yelled into her face. Her fingers tightened.
Pete felt a heavy grip on his shoulder.
'You're done here.'

The bouncer led him through the pub and out into the street. Pete turned around, and through his tears he could see the solid shape of the bouncer throwing his fist. The blow caught Pete in the eye and he stumbled back into the gutter.
'If I see you harassing the girls in here again you'll get it much worse. Now fuck off, you creep!' The bouncer's voice echoed through Pete's thumping head.
Slinking away, Pete slumped down in the gutter near the pub.

'Are you okay?' John's voice sounded next to him.
'I'll be fine.' He managed a weak smile and John returned it.
'What happened?' John asked.
'Some girl,' Pete broke off. Tears streamed from his eyes, and he weakly pointed towards the pub. His eye was killing him, and he could tell it was beginning to swell up.
'What did she do?' John asked, placing a hand on Pete's shoulder as he sat slumped in the gutter.
'She grabbed me,' Pete said up to his mate.
'Fucking bitch,' John said with a sarcastic sigh. 'What did you do?'
'I yelled at her and they kicked me out.'
'What the fuck is wrong with you?' John said, removing his hand from Pete's shoulder.
'I don't want some drunk girl grabbing me.' Pete wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his chin on his arm.
'Fuck that. Is she still in there?' John asked.
'I guess,' Pete sighed.
'Well. I'm going to leave your fag-arse out here while I get lucky.' Pete turned his head to see that John had already left.
'I'll be okay,' Pete lied to the night.